There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
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