If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The adults are the big ones right?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
