So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
