So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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