so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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