we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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