Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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