Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
