Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
