So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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