Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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