Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
