I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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