I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
