Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
