I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
