that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
