I'm gonna have a badass scar
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
