Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
