never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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