I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
