I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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