hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
