Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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