No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
