i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
