the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just gift wrapped bread.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Damn victory sex feels great
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