So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
