i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
