my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
