he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
