Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
