We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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