Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
