You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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