You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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