dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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