Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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