i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
