Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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