Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
