The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
