that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There r osticjed everywhere
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
