Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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