I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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