Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
