I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
