Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
