I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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