i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
